Did someone ever told you “you can’t accept any criticism”? Well, that happened to me at work yesterday and I felt short for words, questioninig myself and really without any clues what I have done wrong. I started to look at my own patterns first, questioning myself whether I am just a perfectionist who only likes it her own way without acceptance of other opinions. After I spent some time looking at what triggered me, I had to think about what I have learned about Clean Feedback during my Soul based Coaching Training. We learned to give Clean Feedback the open and inquiring way. With sentences like:
Something that you did or said worked well (or not well) for me was….
I Interpret this to mean…
What would work better for me is…
I would Interpret that to mean…
When receiving feedback like this, I have never been triggered or like I have been personally attacked without any clues of what actually went wrong.
I felt like this sort of closed off comment “YOU can’t accept….” was like a hit on the head with a hammer or like it is also known in German “Killerphrase” without any opportunity to say something on my behalf or how I see the situation. And least of all leading an open converstion where both sides can be heard and the exact details are discussed which brought about the comment or criticism. I certainly was left with a feeling “You are wrong” without any constructive feedback of what I could do better or what I did wrong in the first place.
For better communication at work between colleagues, but also in any other conversation in general, why not try to use the Clean Feedback instead of one way “killerphrasing” someone or eachother?